His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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