maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
