took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
