i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
