I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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