I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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