K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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