You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
