"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
