Everything about him screamed your future.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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