I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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