porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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