miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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