i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
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