i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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