roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Randomize
