no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need moral support for this bender
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
