I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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