How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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