so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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