then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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