haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
