whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
