M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
