She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
