Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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