Already got asked if we're dating
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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