There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
