she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
