I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
