Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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