wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's the barista slut.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
