I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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