Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
