i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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