I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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