dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
