Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
