According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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