If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
