i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
