she was so not down for the gang bang
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
