Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
