we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
