Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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