i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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