the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
