Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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