I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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