I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
