I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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