you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
