I wish my penis had an off switch
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize