He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
