god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
