I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
