Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
