guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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