I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
