I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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