is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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