dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
