We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
