One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
