woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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