No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
