alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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