I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
